Published on: 1/15/2013
asshole cab driver

asshole cab driver
pulls the car over crookedly
on lexington avenue
and when the girls jump out
he races out of his door
and grabs one of their bags
which shatters on the pavement
asshole cab driver
starts to go through one girl's purse
as the other girl stands on the street
screaming
asshole cab driver
is looking for his money
even though the girls offered to pay him
they are shouting to anyone
and everyone
to call the police
but all of the asshole people
standing around
aren't doing anything but gawking
or taking photos for their facebook pages
so their asshole friends can see
what a cool time they had in new york city
asshole cab driver
grabs the other girl's purse
he has them both now
and the three of them are doing
a sick dance right on lexington
as the asshole people keep staring
my wife asks one of these citizens
to call the cops
she begs him, please
but the asshole just smiles and shakes his head
continues to film
asshole cab driver
while he tussles with the two girls
my wife looks at me
we have to do something, she says
i know, i say
because my wife and i are a couple of
do-gooder assholes
we've gotten involved everywhere
from new orleans to paris
so i walk over to
asshole cab driver
i tell him, look, let the women go
the asshole looks at me and says
i got no beef with you man
i tell him that he does now
i hope that i sound like clint eastwood
or stallone
or one of those other hollywood assholes
but i probably sound scared
still, i'm a big guy
and as soon as i step forward
asshole cab driver
lets the women go
but not before taking out his own phone
to get a picture for posterity
my wife and i
follow the girls down lexington as
asshole cab driver
continues to shout
as the asshole people continue
to take their photos
my wife keeps asking the girls
if they're all right
but i'm worried that she and i
will end up on youtube'
looking like a couple of assholes
breaking up another new york city fight
at the corner we say goodbye
to the girls
they look shaken
will probably never visit this city
full of assholes ever again
and when we cross the street
there come a couple of cops our way
two buzz-cut assholes
strolling like lovers down the avenue
i ask them if they are headed
toward the scene of the crime
they both nod
then move down the block toward
asshole cab driver
who's still standing there
like every other asshole
baking in the warm spring sun.