Published on: 4/2/2009
Seven Things to Consider When Complaining About the Weather

1
make sure you are not talking to winter
enthusiasts before shivering disapproval
of icicles, harsh snowflakes. the wind chill
factor could increase a thousandfold.

2
before muttering curses under your breath,
ask flowers how they feel about spring rain.
bring an umbrella, rephrase your anger.

3
don't complain to your neighbour about
moisture in the air. she can't distinguish
certain letters without a hearing aid. you'll
sweat blood trying to put the D back in humility.

4
when storms sweep the streets, don't shout
against the wind. words will be blown back
in your face, irritate eyes like particles of dust.

5
imitating the staccato of hail on
tin roofs will result in loss of credibility.
distance yourself from the source of chagrin,
whisper, write armies of exclamation marks.

6
rants about current conditions must not last
longer than it takes a frog to climb his ladder,
weather vanes to spin twice in the breeze.

7
dark towers demand respect, their name
whispered in awe: nimbocumulus. marvel
that a word melting like pink cotton candy
speaks of rain, gloom, a god's magic hammer.

Published on: 9/23/2008
November Rules of Conduct

1
sharpen your dorothy parker attitude
between mouthfuls of stale arguments
at the kitchen table. castigating pears
simply isn't an option at this time of year.

2
count your freckles by moonlight, divide
the number by seven and you know how long
you'll have to wait for a poinsettia sunrise.

3
copy out heretical quotes from every
banned book you read cover to cover,
declaim them every time red wine and
cayman island postcards let you down.

4
hide all knives on lonely evenings.
the great kitchen monster might stir
in its sleep, awake to the brilliance of blades.

5
do not discuss wittgenstein with your
reflection. philosophical investigations
into the language game are like playing
peek-a-boo with faces seen from a train.

6
break at least one rule, but don't
expect chuckles for disregarding this one.
smartness cannot be that cheap.

7
hire a cleaner called magda. her polish
flood of words, broad hips and silver hair
will frighten books into neat rows, dust
out of every corner. shipshape's the word.